10+ expert, practical, real-life tips to keep kids calm, happy, and engaged—sans screens. Based on child development and years of hands-on experience, I got you!
Thank you for sharing these great ideas! We also made it to four years without screens at home besides haircuts, planes, and the occasional looking at photos while waiting somewhere and I am thrilled we made that choice. I am relaxed when they have access to screens at friends or anywhere else because I want them to live in their generation and not feel like they are isolated so they still know about Bluey etc. But at home, we do a lot of drawing, reading, magnetic tiles, puppet show, music and play-doh instead- I have also observed that they have so much imagination with so little. They invent an amazing world and make up stories all day long it is so fun to watch and enter their magical world.
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful response! I completely agree—I try to take a realistic approach to screens, but there are so many small ways we can resist and delay them for our kids. And honestly, it’s so much more fun, connecting, and fulfilling to lean into their natural curiosities and play instead!
Wow. This was such an amazing read! I feel like I learned so much from you - thank you!
Thankfully my 3 year old doesn’t get a ton of screen time, but one time of day we do it consistently for a few minutes if after the bath while I’m brushing her incredibly curly hair. This is otherwise a potentially painful and at best aggravating experience for her, so a YouTube video on my phone has been key to her letting me finish the job quickly. But, I know people have had curly hair forever, so there has got to be another way! Do you have any ideas for how to reduce screens from this challenging time in our day?
Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it and got helpful tips from it!!!
First off, I think your screen use in this case seems minor and intentional, but if you’re interested in trying something else you could always lean in to her help (give her a spray bottle to spray the tangles, a mirror to hold to help you see, etc). You could also lean into audio-only like a favorite song or podcast or story.
You can also try brushing her hair with the conditioner still in in the bath! I do that for my curly haired boys!
Good luck!! And thanks again for reading and commenting! It means so much to me 🧡
If you watch curly girl videos online (adults styling their curly hair) many of them mention their parents not taking care of their curly hair as children. So while people of course have had curly hair forever, they may not have had great care as kids. I think it’s a nice thing to do for your kid.
— signed, a toddler mom who also uses screens for hair time 💘
Thanks! This is helpful. And just to confirm my understanding, it sounds like if we need to resort to screens, TV is preferable over an iPhone or tablet - right?
That’s how I think of it! I think the hyper stimulating part is the touch screen and instant/rapid feedback. It’s just way too much for them when they are swiping and tapping so much—the dopamine is just too high. TV watching is a much more passive viewing experience, if that makes sense!
It does! Another perspective I’ve heard on why TV is preferable is because phone and tablets are smaller and you typically sit right in front of them to watch - a kid gets “lost” in the phone in a way that they don’t with a TV, since they’ll be sitting farther away and there’s usually stuff in their peripheral vision
I also agree with this!! I feel it myself—I try to “use the bigger screen” whenever possible. Sending an email from my computer vs my phone makes me much less hunched and scattered and prone to distraction, so I can only imagine how it feels to young kids!
We take the wins where we can, for sure! I totally believe in a “harm reduction” model—this is the world we live in, so how can we best navigate it to support them? Curating shows is a great place to start—I take that seriously in my house for sure!! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Xx 🧡
Yes to all of this. 💚 I have a 10 year old and 7 year old twins and we committed to the no handheld screen rule early on and it 100% shows in our kids. It wasn’t easy but boy was it worth it. We have the funnest conversations, they can talk to anyone about anything, and they will pick up a book or magazine when they’re bored without ever thinking of it. When they were really young we stuck to animal documentaries and I swear they were taking it all in as early as 2 - they talk about animals like little biologists. 😂
My biggest word of advice to parents is be on the same page, and war game scenarios in advance. And discuss boundaries with families! My MIL was so quick to try to give our kids phones because it’s what she saw her other children/grandchildren doing and we just had to be consistent with polite intervention. She occasionally got frustrated and thought we were overreacting because “everyone else does it” but now she sees how different are kids are around her than their cousins (although she still wonders why…).
Yes!!!! I love all of this! I have a 9 month old and as a former classroom teacher it is so important to me to engage her in age appropriate ways. I taught elementary school, so much of early childhood development is new to me. Intention starts with awareness. Thank you for this information! Just subscribed and excited to learn more 💖
Ahh, this makes me so happy to hear—thank you!! As a former teacher, you already have such a strong foundation in understanding how kids learn and engage with the world. Early childhood can feel like a whole new universe, but your intention and awareness will carry you so far. So glad you’re here—excited to share more with you! 🧡
As someone without kids, trust me, I'm never offering to hand my phone over to your filthy fingered children. I've had a friends kid screech at me to give them my phone and I've just started at them in stony silence. Recruit your childless friends to your cause! We are completely immune to heartfelt pleas and whining.
This post was just suggested in my Substack feed — thank you for the insight and practical tips. I also have a 15-month-old and this was great motivation to continue keeping him from phone/tablet screens. Your suggestions for keeping toys fresh and mixing up at-home activities are coming at the perfect moment!
Mom of two, and all these tips are spot-on and I really believe work universally. My kids were super high maintenance and super super fussy under 4 years. It was such a hard time. Sometimes you can’t fix the emotions and you just simply have to ride it out. Knowing it’s not your fault and is simply the nature of that age. Take care of yourself the best you can during those times and know that every phase comes to an end. This investment in doing the harder thing in those young years PAYS OFF with having easier, more regulated, better “behaved” kids later. It is so wonderful to have my kids friends’ parents say, “your child is so easy to have over; they are welcome any time!” That is a reward I cherish, and I worked so hard to make a reality. It was worth every difficult day back then.
I absolutely agree! My older son (7) has never used a tablet in the car, restaurants, etc.. and I’m so so glad we made that a hard rule because he is able to handle long rides or waits now in a way that I doubt he ever would if we gave him our phones in those moments. Hard but worth it! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!! Xx 🧡
For me, it was easy to keep from my babies. But now my oldest is 4 and heading to kindergarten soon. We chose a different school for many reasons but one was screen and independent Chromebook use in kindergarten which is very typical for public schools. It's crazy to me that with all we know about technology, screens are a huge part of our educational system.
Oh I know, it’s crazy! My son “earns” iPad time in his first grade class which is maddening. This is where I think, ok I don’t have full control over that and he does live in this nightmare world BUT I can make a foundation at home where he knows he has other options for play and get him outside, moving his body as much as we can etc. it’s like fighting upstream though for sure!
Pregnant with my first at the moment and phone/screen time is something me and my partner are worried about so thank you for these wonderful tips! And not just about that but about raising babies and toddlers in general. Super useful and no doubt I will keep referring back to this list. Thank you x
Congratulations!! I’m so glad this resonated with you—there’s so much to navigate in early parenthood, and it’s amazing that you and your partner are already thinking so intentionally about it. Wishing you all the best as you step into this new chapter, and I’m so happy this list can be a helpful resource for you! Xx 🧡
We just took our TV off the wall this weekend. Wanting my 4yo and 2yo to cut way back on shows. And lo and behold I turned on the water hose and they played outside for hours today making “smoothies” out of who even knows what 😂
Omg I want to do this too! Or go back to a dumb tv with a vcr or something! The always-on-streaming-of-it-all is what makes so much more insane I think. Go water play! Xx
I needed to read this today! I gave my two year old my phone to look at pictures while I used the washroom…I NEVER do this but you’re absolutely right, it’s a slippery slope. I have generally been committed to no screens (we watch YouTube videos of puppies and babies in the morning sometimes) but at this age it’s starting to feel really challenging! So thank you for all these tips!
This is FANTASTIC. Here's why - you don't just tell parents to not do it. You tell them HOW to not do it. The parents we serve at ScreenSense are TK-8th grade parents but we recently did a Parent Ed for preschool parents and it was so great to talk to parents of littles! I will absolutely add this to our list of resources we give to parents of babies and toddlers!
That’s amazing!! I’m so happy to have made something of value and that it found you! I’d love to connect about reaching more young children and their families, I would be happy to collaborate! :)
This is such a valuable post. My kids are teens now so the screen time battle is totally different, but we did manage to keep screens at bay during their early years. My two mantras are 1) kids do not need to be actively entertained at all times: and b) learning how to tolerate distress & boredom are two of the most important goals of childhood. I think if parents can embrace those two mantas, the perceived need for screens goes way down.
Thank you for this post. I’m a recently single mom to a 14 month old and I found that over the last month I have been giving him screen time for the first time ever. I did it because I ran out of energy and the patience to think of something else. Cooking dinner and having a barnacle baby is incredibly hard. I tried baby wearing and he hates it. I tried letting him fuss but he would erupt and I couldn’t get anything done. So it started off small and I have now let it come on when I need to do something that requires him to be still and in a spot I know he won’t move from. With all of that being said, I loved your ideas and I’ve been wanting to try to move away from the screen again. It’s mostly been Ms Rachel and he loves the songs she sings. However, what he loves even more is water! I’m going to try the just add water idea and I’m hoping that will capture his attention while he’s at this age where he’s not reading on his own and there’s a lot of things he can’t really do without supervision.
i totally get it—it’s really hard, especially as a single parent! I hope you please give yourself grace. The babytoddler stage is so tricky and maddening at times! If your kiddo loves Ms. Rachel songs, maybe you can lean in to audio-only a bit! And yes, water play is the best! Good luck and thank you so much for reading and commenting!! Xx
FWIW, I think this is a perfect use case for the TV! I don't do any handheld screens for my kids (4 & 2), but you bet I'm letting them watch a lil' television when they are underfoot as I'm trying to prepare dinner. It's not something I feel AMAZING about, but I do feel amazing about getting a real, full dinner on the table and all eating that meal together, and sometimes the ends justify the means. You're doing great!
Wow, I would like to tell parents of small children that you should just print this out and post it in your house. I wish I had this when I started.... these are all lessons I had to learn! We had a low drawer in the kitchen that was theirs, full of spatulas and plastic dishes and whatever. Yes, they were always underfoot (annoying) but it was so fun! We had great conversations and their play became part of my cooking time. I learned the concept of "strewing" (what you refer to as rotating toys and materials) from an unschooler. You notice that your kid is suddenly interested in planets? Grab a space book they'd forgotten about or get some at the library and just happen to leave them sitting on the coffee table. And the advice about understanding pre-verbal babies is so great. Really, I think you should make some printable cards with these pieces of advice!
Thank you so much! What a kind and generous comment. I’m so glad you resonated with it and have such sweet memories of your kiddos in the kitchen with you— I also have that low cabinet that is filled with things for my 15m to explore. I also loooove strewing!! It’s the best, best, best. I’ve written about it before and I’m sure I will again! Thanks again for reading and commenting!! Xx 🧡
Thank you for sharing these great ideas! We also made it to four years without screens at home besides haircuts, planes, and the occasional looking at photos while waiting somewhere and I am thrilled we made that choice. I am relaxed when they have access to screens at friends or anywhere else because I want them to live in their generation and not feel like they are isolated so they still know about Bluey etc. But at home, we do a lot of drawing, reading, magnetic tiles, puppet show, music and play-doh instead- I have also observed that they have so much imagination with so little. They invent an amazing world and make up stories all day long it is so fun to watch and enter their magical world.
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful response! I completely agree—I try to take a realistic approach to screens, but there are so many small ways we can resist and delay them for our kids. And honestly, it’s so much more fun, connecting, and fulfilling to lean into their natural curiosities and play instead!
Wow. This was such an amazing read! I feel like I learned so much from you - thank you!
Thankfully my 3 year old doesn’t get a ton of screen time, but one time of day we do it consistently for a few minutes if after the bath while I’m brushing her incredibly curly hair. This is otherwise a potentially painful and at best aggravating experience for her, so a YouTube video on my phone has been key to her letting me finish the job quickly. But, I know people have had curly hair forever, so there has got to be another way! Do you have any ideas for how to reduce screens from this challenging time in our day?
Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it and got helpful tips from it!!!
First off, I think your screen use in this case seems minor and intentional, but if you’re interested in trying something else you could always lean in to her help (give her a spray bottle to spray the tangles, a mirror to hold to help you see, etc). You could also lean into audio-only like a favorite song or podcast or story.
You can also try brushing her hair with the conditioner still in in the bath! I do that for my curly haired boys!
Good luck!! And thanks again for reading and commenting! It means so much to me 🧡
If you watch curly girl videos online (adults styling their curly hair) many of them mention their parents not taking care of their curly hair as children. So while people of course have had curly hair forever, they may not have had great care as kids. I think it’s a nice thing to do for your kid.
— signed, a toddler mom who also uses screens for hair time 💘
Thanks! This is helpful. And just to confirm my understanding, it sounds like if we need to resort to screens, TV is preferable over an iPhone or tablet - right?
That’s how I think of it! I think the hyper stimulating part is the touch screen and instant/rapid feedback. It’s just way too much for them when they are swiping and tapping so much—the dopamine is just too high. TV watching is a much more passive viewing experience, if that makes sense!
It does! Another perspective I’ve heard on why TV is preferable is because phone and tablets are smaller and you typically sit right in front of them to watch - a kid gets “lost” in the phone in a way that they don’t with a TV, since they’ll be sitting farther away and there’s usually stuff in their peripheral vision
I also agree with this!! I feel it myself—I try to “use the bigger screen” whenever possible. Sending an email from my computer vs my phone makes me much less hunched and scattered and prone to distraction, so I can only imagine how it feels to young kids!
As a ND I see many kids having symptoms from too much screen usage quite often!
On the other hand, parents sometimes are not able to cut the screens entirely, and sometimes not even curate the shows that kids watch.
We managed to raise our 7yr olds with only one movie per week on weekends, we are feeling strong! 😅
We take the wins where we can, for sure! I totally believe in a “harm reduction” model—this is the world we live in, so how can we best navigate it to support them? Curating shows is a great place to start—I take that seriously in my house for sure!! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Xx 🧡
Yes to all of this. 💚 I have a 10 year old and 7 year old twins and we committed to the no handheld screen rule early on and it 100% shows in our kids. It wasn’t easy but boy was it worth it. We have the funnest conversations, they can talk to anyone about anything, and they will pick up a book or magazine when they’re bored without ever thinking of it. When they were really young we stuck to animal documentaries and I swear they were taking it all in as early as 2 - they talk about animals like little biologists. 😂
My biggest word of advice to parents is be on the same page, and war game scenarios in advance. And discuss boundaries with families! My MIL was so quick to try to give our kids phones because it’s what she saw her other children/grandchildren doing and we just had to be consistent with polite intervention. She occasionally got frustrated and thought we were overreacting because “everyone else does it” but now she sees how different are kids are around her than their cousins (although she still wonders why…).
Lmao at the last sentence 😂😂
Yes!!!! I love all of this! I have a 9 month old and as a former classroom teacher it is so important to me to engage her in age appropriate ways. I taught elementary school, so much of early childhood development is new to me. Intention starts with awareness. Thank you for this information! Just subscribed and excited to learn more 💖
Ahh, this makes me so happy to hear—thank you!! As a former teacher, you already have such a strong foundation in understanding how kids learn and engage with the world. Early childhood can feel like a whole new universe, but your intention and awareness will carry you so far. So glad you’re here—excited to share more with you! 🧡
As someone without kids, trust me, I'm never offering to hand my phone over to your filthy fingered children. I've had a friends kid screech at me to give them my phone and I've just started at them in stony silence. Recruit your childless friends to your cause! We are completely immune to heartfelt pleas and whining.
This post was just suggested in my Substack feed — thank you for the insight and practical tips. I also have a 15-month-old and this was great motivation to continue keeping him from phone/tablet screens. Your suggestions for keeping toys fresh and mixing up at-home activities are coming at the perfect moment!
I’m so happy it found you!!! 🧡
Mom of two, and all these tips are spot-on and I really believe work universally. My kids were super high maintenance and super super fussy under 4 years. It was such a hard time. Sometimes you can’t fix the emotions and you just simply have to ride it out. Knowing it’s not your fault and is simply the nature of that age. Take care of yourself the best you can during those times and know that every phase comes to an end. This investment in doing the harder thing in those young years PAYS OFF with having easier, more regulated, better “behaved” kids later. It is so wonderful to have my kids friends’ parents say, “your child is so easy to have over; they are welcome any time!” That is a reward I cherish, and I worked so hard to make a reality. It was worth every difficult day back then.
I absolutely agree! My older son (7) has never used a tablet in the car, restaurants, etc.. and I’m so so glad we made that a hard rule because he is able to handle long rides or waits now in a way that I doubt he ever would if we gave him our phones in those moments. Hard but worth it! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!! Xx 🧡
For me, it was easy to keep from my babies. But now my oldest is 4 and heading to kindergarten soon. We chose a different school for many reasons but one was screen and independent Chromebook use in kindergarten which is very typical for public schools. It's crazy to me that with all we know about technology, screens are a huge part of our educational system.
Oh I know, it’s crazy! My son “earns” iPad time in his first grade class which is maddening. This is where I think, ok I don’t have full control over that and he does live in this nightmare world BUT I can make a foundation at home where he knows he has other options for play and get him outside, moving his body as much as we can etc. it’s like fighting upstream though for sure!
Pregnant with my first at the moment and phone/screen time is something me and my partner are worried about so thank you for these wonderful tips! And not just about that but about raising babies and toddlers in general. Super useful and no doubt I will keep referring back to this list. Thank you x
Congratulations!! I’m so glad this resonated with you—there’s so much to navigate in early parenthood, and it’s amazing that you and your partner are already thinking so intentionally about it. Wishing you all the best as you step into this new chapter, and I’m so happy this list can be a helpful resource for you! Xx 🧡
We just took our TV off the wall this weekend. Wanting my 4yo and 2yo to cut way back on shows. And lo and behold I turned on the water hose and they played outside for hours today making “smoothies” out of who even knows what 😂
Omg I want to do this too! Or go back to a dumb tv with a vcr or something! The always-on-streaming-of-it-all is what makes so much more insane I think. Go water play! Xx
I needed to read this today! I gave my two year old my phone to look at pictures while I used the washroom…I NEVER do this but you’re absolutely right, it’s a slippery slope. I have generally been committed to no screens (we watch YouTube videos of puppies and babies in the morning sometimes) but at this age it’s starting to feel really challenging! So thank you for all these tips!
This is FANTASTIC. Here's why - you don't just tell parents to not do it. You tell them HOW to not do it. The parents we serve at ScreenSense are TK-8th grade parents but we recently did a Parent Ed for preschool parents and it was so great to talk to parents of littles! I will absolutely add this to our list of resources we give to parents of babies and toddlers!
That’s amazing!! I’m so happy to have made something of value and that it found you! I’d love to connect about reaching more young children and their families, I would be happy to collaborate! :)
Hi Danielle! That's awesome! Let me see if I can message you through Substack!
This is such a valuable post. My kids are teens now so the screen time battle is totally different, but we did manage to keep screens at bay during their early years. My two mantras are 1) kids do not need to be actively entertained at all times: and b) learning how to tolerate distress & boredom are two of the most important goals of childhood. I think if parents can embrace those two mantas, the perceived need for screens goes way down.
Yes! I love every bit of this. Thank you.
Thank you for this post. I’m a recently single mom to a 14 month old and I found that over the last month I have been giving him screen time for the first time ever. I did it because I ran out of energy and the patience to think of something else. Cooking dinner and having a barnacle baby is incredibly hard. I tried baby wearing and he hates it. I tried letting him fuss but he would erupt and I couldn’t get anything done. So it started off small and I have now let it come on when I need to do something that requires him to be still and in a spot I know he won’t move from. With all of that being said, I loved your ideas and I’ve been wanting to try to move away from the screen again. It’s mostly been Ms Rachel and he loves the songs she sings. However, what he loves even more is water! I’m going to try the just add water idea and I’m hoping that will capture his attention while he’s at this age where he’s not reading on his own and there’s a lot of things he can’t really do without supervision.
i totally get it—it’s really hard, especially as a single parent! I hope you please give yourself grace. The babytoddler stage is so tricky and maddening at times! If your kiddo loves Ms. Rachel songs, maybe you can lean in to audio-only a bit! And yes, water play is the best! Good luck and thank you so much for reading and commenting!! Xx
FWIW, I think this is a perfect use case for the TV! I don't do any handheld screens for my kids (4 & 2), but you bet I'm letting them watch a lil' television when they are underfoot as I'm trying to prepare dinner. It's not something I feel AMAZING about, but I do feel amazing about getting a real, full dinner on the table and all eating that meal together, and sometimes the ends justify the means. You're doing great!
Wow, I would like to tell parents of small children that you should just print this out and post it in your house. I wish I had this when I started.... these are all lessons I had to learn! We had a low drawer in the kitchen that was theirs, full of spatulas and plastic dishes and whatever. Yes, they were always underfoot (annoying) but it was so fun! We had great conversations and their play became part of my cooking time. I learned the concept of "strewing" (what you refer to as rotating toys and materials) from an unschooler. You notice that your kid is suddenly interested in planets? Grab a space book they'd forgotten about or get some at the library and just happen to leave them sitting on the coffee table. And the advice about understanding pre-verbal babies is so great. Really, I think you should make some printable cards with these pieces of advice!
Thank you so much! What a kind and generous comment. I’m so glad you resonated with it and have such sweet memories of your kiddos in the kitchen with you— I also have that low cabinet that is filled with things for my 15m to explore. I also loooove strewing!! It’s the best, best, best. I’ve written about it before and I’m sure I will again! Thanks again for reading and commenting!! Xx 🧡