My Year of Writing and Rupture
My newsletter year in review + BIG personal news!
Hi friends,
This one’s a little different.
I want to take a moment to say hi and thank you to everyone who has subscribed over the past four months—there are now almost 100 of you!
That is WILD!
I created Ordinary Animals this past August as a way to anchor my thoughts and days during a career pause and my postpartum, mostly-stay-at-home mom phase. I knew my life was shifting, but I didn’t yet know what it would look like. The future felt wide open in a way I hadn’t experienced in years—exciting and refreshing, yes, but also a little daunting.
I knew that I needed something to ground me—a purpose beyond spending my days just chillin’ with the baby (even though I absolutely love just chillin’ with the baby).
So far, writing here has given me all that and more.
First of all, I hadn’t written seriously in years, even though it’s something I’ve always loved to do. It’s been such a joy to bring the practice back into my life. The act of writing (and thinking about writing, and reading about writing) has already been so clarifying, grounding, inspiring, and fulfilling. I feel connected to younger versions of myself, can untangle issues in the present, and dream about the future, all within the process of writing here.
I really love having a dedicated space to write about everything that excites me—my kids, all kids, motherhood, nature, the necessity of rest and retreat, and the crazy-making contradictions of our horrible/amazing modern tech world. In a twist I didn’t see coming but probably should have, some of my woo woo bullshit (complimentary) has snuck in too, like cosmic perspective therapy and The Artist’s Way. It’s truly so fun. This space feels like a custom-designed playground just for me (because it is!). I can write whatever I want and—neener neener neener—no one can stop me!!!
Before starting this project, I hadn’t posted on social media in years. Putting myself “out there” like this still feels really weird. I'm more comfortable being a passive observer—content to scroll through what others are saying and doing, but very hesitant to jump into the mix myself. I just don’t like how it feels—the time and attention it demands, the dopamine-seeking cycle it fuels, and all of the comparison and judgment it stirs up.
The discomfort I’m experiencing mostly feels like a good, productive stretch—even though, trust me, there are moments when I want to curl up and disappear into the ether from the sheer vulnerability of it all. I’ll be walking down the street, suddenly remember something I wrote here, and groan out loud, “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot!” But then, thankfully, I move on with my day.
What I’m really enjoying about the Substack/newsletter format is that it is thoughtful, long-form, and slower-paced. It gives me the chance to redefine how I engage with the internet. I don’t have to post constantly or chase trends. It’s not as urgent, on-demand, or clickbait-y as the rest of the online world often feels. Instead, it feels more sustainable—a space where I can engage entirely on my own terms. It gives me the opportunity to live out my values, striving for a more fulfilling analog life over a digital one, while still finding connection, inspiration, and community here.
So far, I’ve really enjoyed the rhythm of sending out the newsletter every other week-ish. I’m still experimenting with the best day to send it, but the pace feels right—it gives me an excess of time to marinate on thoughts, ideas, and concepts. I love just putzing around the house, revisiting books like Matrescence, Four Thousand Weeks, Hunt, Gather, Parent, and other works that have influenced my thinking. It’s so satisfying to connect these concepts to my own experiences and then find creative ways to tell the story of what, how, and why it matters to me (and hopefully to you, too!).
I often have multiple drafts going at once, letting inspiration take the lead. Which one rises to the top of any given week remains a mystery—even to me! I usually feel like I’m just along for the ride.
Once I settle on a topic (or the topic settles on me), I’ll write everything out in a feverish burst. Then, I’ll spend the next few days obsessively editing it all together. The entire process usually takes 3-5 days and feels a lot like being back in college or grad school, cranking out term papers in a manic trance. I often find myself tempted to create a full-on works cited page, complete with APA formatting like a true goddamn nerd.
I do feel like this most of the time:
But honestly? I don’t mind. I’m not approaching this Substack as a business. Plenty of people charge for their newsletters or offer paid features—and good for them, they absolutely deserve to!—but that doesn’t feel like the right fit for me, at least not for the foreseeable future.
That said, I’m a big believer in the power of energy output. By showing up to consistently write and publish this newsletter, I know cool, unexpected things can happen—connections, collaborations, new projects—and I’m totally open to it all!
For now, though, it’s just fun to create something without a specific end goal in mind.
Something I’m still figuring out is how to refer to, discuss, and share about my boys. Should I give them fake names??
of uses the cutest pretend names for her kiddos—maybe I’ll do the same. I want to respect their privacy while still openly and honestly sharing my experience as their mom.So far, in regards to posting pictures, my thinking is this: for the time being I’ll continue to share photos of my older son from before 2021. Many of those were already out there on social media, and he’s grown so much that he doesn’t look like that little kid anymore (cue: me crying). But I haven’t posted any full-faced pictures of my younger son yet, so I’ll probably keep him offline for now (even though I promise he’s so fucking cute you’d literally die!!!)
We’ll see where I land on this. Let me know if you have ideas for good ways to share about them while still protecting their privacy!
Finally, I have some BIG personal news!
My family has finally, officially decided to move from Brooklyn—where I’ve lived since 2009, my husband even longer, where we met, built our life, and started our family—to his hometown of Long Beach, NY, about an hour away.
I guess I’m taking my own advice seriously!
It’s one of those decisions that took years to make but came together in a lightning flash. I can still hardly believe it. We will be out there by next month!
We’re so excited for this change. We both come from long lines of sun-worshipping beach bums, and we can’t wait to raise our boys in that same grand tradition.
I’m sure I’ll have much more to write about this as it unfolds.
In the meantime, thank you so much for taking the time to read this project of mine. If anything I write ever resonates with you, it would mean the world to me if you let me know with a comment, a like, or a share.
Ordinary Animals End Of Year Review:
My most popular piece:
My version of viral! This was read by almost 1200 people so far—W O W!
This post is sort of my epic mission statement, and I’m really proud of it. I plan to do more writing on matrescence, including featuring some truly special people in a questionnaire profile in the new year! (If you’re interested in filling it out and possibly being featured, please let me know!)
My least popular piece:
This one was read by “only” 82 people, which is still incredibly cool to me! I really enjoyed writing it. It’s a nitty-gritty look at a random Monday in October, everything I did and thought from morning to night.
Check it out if you haven’t already!
The one I would rewrite:
Looking at it now, it feels a bit unwieldy—there are so many ideas packed in here that probably could’ve been separate essays: memories of my dad on Long Island, 90s tech boom nostalgia (oh, how naïve we were), my own complicated relationship with it all, and then, the Big House—our low-tech, off-the-grid retreat that we’ve cherished for years. I love all those topics and probably could’ve spread them out a bit. Maybe I will in the new year!
Honorable mention:
This one is just a personal favorite because, even though it was the second thing I posted, it was the first one I wrote—and it inspired this whole thing. My entire worldview of raising kids and remembering their (and my) innate humanness / animalness all started years ago when we stumbled into bedsharing. It changed my life and continues to inspire me!
Personal End Of Year Favs:
This wasn’t exactly a banner year for me in terms of consuming high-quality media—I was deep in the postpartum bubble and craved only ease and comfort. That said, here are my favorites of the year:
Favorite book: Ambition Monster by
. I loved this book. I love everything she does—her podcasts, her newsletter. She’s so funny, authentic, and stylish. Honestly, she’s the cool Gen X older sister I wish I had!Favorite show: The ladies of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City kept me and my baby company for what felt like an eternity. At this point, he probably thinks Lisa Barlow and Meredith Marks are his aunts.
Favorite movie: I didn’t watch many movies this year—my attention span is shot. I made it halfway through Saltburn but got too uncomfortable to finish. I thought about watching My Old Ass like 97 times. I attempted Challengers three times but kept getting interrupted. A goal for 2025 is to actually watch movies again—I’m embarrassed for myself!
Favorite album: My girl Taylor really delivered the mess for THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT this year, and I love this for her and for me. Her willingness to be brutally honest about wildly embarrassing things—like a public, messy, dramatic rebound fling with a fuckboy—is truly inspiring. I aspire to that level of brazen vulnerability! Top tracks for me: Down Bad, My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys, Guilty as Sin?, So High School, Peter, and the title track.
Favorite song: Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter has been stuck in my head for literal months. Just when I thought it was gone, the Domingo skit on SNL brought it back and it hasn’t left since. Is it that sweet? I guess so..
Honorable mention: Jack Antonoff had a hand in nearly all my favorite pop albums and songs this year (Taylor, Sabrina, Kendrick (MUUSSSTTTAAAARRRRDD)). Turns out, I love him deeply and will follow his dancey-synth bops to the end of the world!! Who knew?!
Thanks again for being here, everyone!! Happy holidays and happy new year! I’ll be back in two-ish weeks, reporting live from our new home at the beach (!!!)
Great read! Good luck with the move!
❤️❤️❤️