The Matrescence Questionnaire 04: Youngna Park

Brooklyn-based product advisor, writer, and mom of two: Youngna Park of Making It Work answers the Questionnaire!

Hi everyone, thanks so much for being here!

One of the biggest reasons I started this newsletter was to spread the word about matrescence. I was shook that I didn’t hear the term until nearly three years postpartum—and the relief I felt when I finally did!

Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother, a developmental transition that can begin as early as preconception and spans pregnancy, birth, surrogacy, or adoption, continuing through the postpartum period and well beyond.

Just as adolescence marks the profound shift from childhood to adulthood, matrescence is an equally radical transformation, reshaping a mother’s body, mind, identity, relationships, values, and sense of self.

To help normalize this wild, incredible, and disorienting ride, I created this series where some of the coolest moms I know share their real, honest stories of transformation by answering the Matrescence Questionnaire.

Today, I am so beyond excited to have Youngna Park of Making It Work. Her newsletter is always a fast-click, must-read for me the second it hits my inbox. I’m consistently blown away by her writing. She’s so keenly observant, especially when she writes about her children. The warmth, humor, and precision of how she sees and describes them always stays with me.

Her writing is a beautiful reminder of what careful attention can look like on the page (and in life!), and it’s endlessly inspiring to me as both a mom and a writer.

And her recommendations are truly second to none. With 15+ years of experience as a product advisor and writer working at the intersection of technology, education, media, and the arts, Youngna has focused her career on building better, more thoughtful physical and digital experiences for kids, parents, and families. She knows what is up!

Subscribe to her now. Seriously.

Take it away, Youngna! ✨

Name: Youngna Park

Age: 43

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Relationship Status: Married

Children: Ada (10), Julian (8)

Section 1: Physical

How did the physical realities of pregnancy transform you? What did you learn from being pregnant?

I didn’t mind the aspect of pregnancy that was about physical change -- whether that’s growing larger or skin stretching, etc. However, I deeply disliked having horrible “morning” (aka all day) sickness for 4-5 months of both pregnancies, which was also the period where the pregnancy is less visible, or at least not-so-visible that people are giving up their seats for you on the subway. At the time I had to commute on the train and primarily remember my primary focus being not vomiting in the subway car. I started to feel like I had a chronic illness, because the nausea was so debilitating and I could barely keep food down for so many months, but found solace in knowing the feeling had a finite timeline.

This experience made me much more empathetic to every person who might be suffering invisibly on that train from some ailment or physical/emotional pain you could never see.

So, I think the main transformation from being pregnant was less about how much my physical body could change and more this: that you never know what anyone else is going through in their own bodies, so you might as well be kind.

How has your relationship with your body changed since becoming a mother? Has your perception of beauty or strength changed since becoming a mother?

In the first few years after having kids (and in the midst of COVID), I was constantly “touched out” or overstimulated all the time. I am an introverted person who is easily overwhelmed by too much sensation, so having small children climbing on me all the time, along with the mess, constant body fluids, talking, crying, etc, made me feel like my nervous system was shorting out. I found myself physically dissociating as some form of self-preservation, but also held a lot of accumulated stress in my body, and think this probably wasn’t the best coping mechanism. I was also dealing with a bad back injury from a fall right before COVID.

Around 2022, I started changing the amount I prioritized movement and trying to be more in my own body. I started going to yoga more, making sure I walked at least a few miles a day, and started stretching. As I got stronger, I felt less pain and more strength. My kids were also a bit older and less physically needy. In 2023, I started playing tennis regularly, and got addicted to the sport.

Now, in some measures, I’m probably the fittest I’ve ever been. I exercise 5 or 6 days a week, I stretch, I play competitive tennis, and I am much more present in my body. This also coincides with getting older, and being a lot more aware that this is my chance to be stronger, and so I think I appreciate my strength at this age.

This isn’t something I really prioritized pre-children, but having children has made me much more deliberate about health and strength.

Section 2: Mental and Emotional Health

How has motherhood reshaped your sense of confidence, resilience, or inner strength?

I think, more than anything, motherhood helped re-shape my sense of priorities around relationships—with people (family, friends, new people we met through parenting), my relationship to work, and my relationship to physical health. Becoming more conscientious in all these realms about how I’m spending my time and what I’m nurturing has also given me more confidence in all these areas.

I’m clearer about what I want to work on, what I’m willing to work on, and the trade-offs between time and money. I’ve established stronger boundaries between work and non-work. I am more deliberate about relationships and letting people know I’m thinking about them or would like to see them. I’m more participatory in the neighborhood and school communities we’re part of. I’m more intentional about my health and making time for it. All of these things have also helped build my sense of self, which I think is connected to both resilience and inner strength.

What helps you maintain emotional balance on difficult days? How has this changed, or stayed the same, since becoming a mom?

Reading, tennis, yoga, podcasts, taking a walk, going to get a drink with a friend, going to see some art, browsing at a bookstore, baking something. A lot of times I just need a change of scenery, which can just mean putting myself in any other environment than the one stressing me out.

I honestly don’t know what I was doing before kids to maintain emotional balance. I think I went out to eat a lot, saw shows, hung out with friends? But, I don’t know that I was as aware of needing to actively find as much emotional balance.

Section 3: Social: Relationships and Community

How have your friendships or social circles shifted since becoming a parent?

I didn’t intentionally seek out any “mom friends” when my kids were born (10/8 years ago) but I was fortunate to have friends who had kids around the same time. We lived on a block full of small kids, and have remained friends with many people we met during that time.

During COVID a lot of close friends moved away from the city and I found myself moving back to Brooklyn feeling a bit left behind. But, in the last few years, a friend invited me to join her book club, which is an incredible network of women (most of whom are also parents), and through playing tennis, I’ve made a lot of new friends and teammates. I have a group of women I have coffee with monthly that I think of as my professional ladies club, but we also all love art/culture and all have kids.

I also have friendships with a lot of families we’ve met through our kids and school, so I think that in many ways our social circles have expanded and become more varied compared to before children.

Have you found new community spaces — libraries, parks, or other gathering places — that have become important to you once becoming a mother?

I was woefully under-utilizing the Brooklyn Public Library before children because it always seemed like kind of a hassle! I was constantly delinquent with the books I borrowed. But, with kids, and the volume with which they go through books, we go to our branch library multiple times a week. There happens to be a branch across the street from their school, so for years, their babysitter took them most afternoons after school.

It was under renovation when we were thinking about moving to our current neighborhood and I remember being excited that it was about to open just as my daughter was starting kindergarten. It has really become both a regular part of our lives and a critical part of our lives! I think the last I checked, we’d borrowed over a thousand books in the last five years.

Have you experienced moments of unexpected support or connection from strangers or other parents?

My daughter broke both of her arms rollerskating last spring, on the eve of me leaving for a trip to Mexico. I felt very guilty leaving, but my husband insisted I go, and so many friends and neighbors came by to help, or with food, or to just with her well, that it was incredibly moving. I think I realized how eager and willing people are to help each other, which feels extra important right now.

Section 4: Self-Identity and Interests

Are there activities you’ve discovered or rediscovered since becoming a mom? Have your children introduced you to any new interests?

I like to stay busy, so think how I do that has shifted during different seasons of being a parent. We used to have a small house in the Hudson Valley and for a time I got really into doing yardwork -- some minor landscaping, gardening, trying to reign in weeds and plant bulbs in the fall. I’ve also gotten more into hiking because I want my kids to enjoy being outside and have ambitions of doing longer multi-day hikes with them. Tennis, as I mentioned earlier, I rediscovered about 2 years ago. I played in high school, but had taken a 20 year hiatus before coming back to it. I now play much more competitively than I ever did as a teenager.

My daughter is extremely crafty and is always making something out of clay, paint, hot glue, beads, fabric, found objects, etc. Her creations are limitless. She’ll be embroidering her pants, or making fortune tellers, or making beads out of old New Yorker magazines, or creating tiny foods out of modeling clay. From her, I’ve learned to sit down and make things just to make things.

My son goes deep and hard into his interests. For a time he was fixated on mushrooms, particularly toxic mushrooms, so the entirely family became well-versed in fungi varieties and identification. He’s also, in phases, been really into black holes, illusions, Van Gogh, The Beatles, etc., so I try to get into these things enough to support the interest.

Are there parts of your identity you’ve let go of, reclaimed, or redefined? Are there new parts of yourself you’ve only discovered since becoming a mother?

I used to be a very classic type A workaholic. I worked a lot, brought the work home, worked on the weekend, and took a lot of stock in being in a leadership position and whatever my title was.

I have learned to let go -- in part from motherhood, in part from paying attention to what gives me energy. In New York, there’s a lot of onus placed on “what you do,” meaning, what you do to earn money, and now I have many more relationships based on common interests, things we do for each other, or time I make for other people, rather than based around professional accomplishments. Ironically, I feel like my work is more enjoyable and fruitful than ever, so maybe being less stressed about work pays off?

Section 5: Values and Purpose

What rituals, habits, or self-care practices have emerged for you since becoming a mother?

I think I’ve cultivated practices that help me with focus and help me find some contentedness, especially when life or the world are very stressful. One of these is consistently reading; another is lots and lots of walking (usually with a podcast); another is monthly coffee/breakfast hangs with groups of women friends.

I think reading is a balm for my brain, helps me focus on something other than the chaos in the news, and is also a helpful form of escapism. Living in Brooklyn, walking is just a part of life, but on days where it’s mid-afternoon and I realize I haven’t left my house, I do make an effort to just get outside and move. And then seeing friends in the morning, regularly, when I can be attentive, is part of feeling connected, which I think is a form of self care.

Has becoming a mother changed the way you connect to nature, the larger world, the cosmos, or some other spiritual aspect of life?

Nature, yes, the larger world -- I’m not sure. I think children, when given access to nature, see and appreciate so much that adults have lost touch with. This can be tiny insects, worms, leaves, a puddle, the bark of a tree. It can be the change of the weather. It can be a new type of plant or flower.

As a parent, you’re in the role of teaching your kids the names of the things around you. My kids wanted to know the names of every plants, flower, bird, animal, insect, and tree. When you become the person passing along the knowledge then you start to also notice the differences, like what blooms first in the spring, or when you see different types of clouds, or when you see a particularly beautiful butterfly. So, I think I feel more connected to nature in that my kids have helped me notice more in nature.

Quick Hit Tips For New Moms:

Read this:

Little Labors by Rivka Galchen

Watch this:

Better Things (with / by Pamela Adlon)

Listen to:

Echolocations by Andrew Bird

Eat this:

Good coffee, good chocolate, flax in everything.

Wear this:

Glerups slippers. I had late fall babies. Lots of time walking around at home in the winter.

You May Also Like:

The Matrescence Questionnaire 01: Danielle Mussafi

The Matrescence Questionnaire 02: Rachel Ward

The Matrescence Questionnaire 03: Charlotte Stephens

Thanks so much for reading—and thank you again to Youngna for sharing her story here!

If you—or someone you’d like to recommend—would like to fill out the Matrescence Questionnaire, possibly for publication, please leave a comment or DM me via Substack, or email me at ordinaryanimalz@gmail.com.